Monday, December 07, 2009

Waiting to Exhale

Proving once again that reason, science, and common sense can never trump politics, the EPA has "informed" us all that plant food endangers public health.

Expect regulations soon regarding how often one is allowed to exhale. A likely scenario is that one exhalation for every three or four inhalations will be rationed or allocated to each adult, thus cutting down on deadly CO2. One hopes that no child will be required to hold his breath until he turns blue, but that remains to be seen.
At any rate, it seems clear that all aerobic exercise will need to be regulated or banned, as all such activity significantly increases the production of CO2.
A (possibly) unintended consequence of these regulations will be the rapid decline of both oxygen in the atmosphere and plants to replace it - with no air for plants to breathe there will be none of their byproducts for us to breathe either.

On a more positive note, I see that the EPA has actually railed against CO2 and five other "greenhouse" gases. Given that di-hydrogen monoxide is actually - by far - the most powerful of those chemicals, we should expect regulations regarding the production, use, and storage of that frequently deadly substance.

Idiots. But then again, "Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur."